(no subject)

the beauty of friendship? someone who is there for you through everything? is this the truth. i felt i have found somebody like that in my life. somebody who knows me more than anybody even more than my family. until everything crashed down. she is dealing with her own problems and i am not let in to everything. it is so hard looking from the outside to someone whom you love so much struggling. and when you are still having problems of your own you drop them to help her. she does not let you completely in and you feel torn apart, it hurts so bad in so many areas. i feel like my strength has died, because as my best friend she was my strength. who is gonna listen to me when i need to vent? what do you do when the only person you ever talked to suddenly cannot deal with your issues. it is constantly a struggle, to continue on to continue doing anything i ever do because nothing seems normal. my world is side ways and blurry hard to see with two eyes. i am lost and confused and i just need her to help me through.. but she needs to be selfish i am so torn between everything.